A partner once described me as “too self-aware.”

When he said it, I didn’t quite understand. So I asked him, “Why do you think that?”

He explained, “You feel and notice everything. Why do you look for and need to find meaning in everything?  Some things are…just as they are.”

I was baffled and looked at him with a furrowed brow.  Really?” I said.

At the time, I couldn’t understand or relate to his statement and I guess he couldn’t relate to my perspective either.  That was eye opening for me, because it was from the man I loved. And I felt he didn't understand me.  As I tried to explain and convince him of my point, I knew deeply we both had work to do.  My work was to come to understand and respect where he was in his process, to be open while having reverence for my space, and my personal value. I learned this well after we separated.

In my awareness, everything has meaning, nothing is by happenstance or coincidence. All is connected to all. I believe my spirit has incarnated into this body, into this family, into this community, into this country and on this planet for a purpose. To further explain, all of my actions, my words, my choices and all of the energy I put forth will have an affect on my path and the path of others.  I believe we have clues all the time by the way of signs, symbols, coincidences and synchronicities and at each moment we make a choice. We can choose to pay attention or we can choose to overlook it. All of it isn’t solely rooted in spirituality but in conjunction with physics, biology and chemistry. Simply put, energy attracts energy. 

I thought of this particular conversation because for this journal entry, I decided to look up the number 4. I wanted to see how it relates to me in this moment because first and foremost, there are 4 days left until the exhibition on Sunday. So the first thing I stumbled upon while researching the number 4 was Voltaire’s quote. He said: “Four thousand volumes of Metaphysics, will not teach us what the soul is.” This is true; it echoes my aforementioned statement that our experience here isn’t rooted solely in spirituality; it can be validated in science as well, our awareness is in both. Then I stumbled upon the heart chakra, which is the 4th Chakra in the body. This resonated with me especially because the floor size painting I’ve worked on all day today is focused around the heart energy.  Further affirming the moment of healing I'm having around love, forgiveness and connectedness as reflections come up. The work continues.

I hope as you read this post the message of the heart chakra gives you some sense of healing, love, peace and hope for you on your journey. Stay open.

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