Last night was a late night for me; I worked to nearly 4am on my painting and most of the day today. I have a good rhythm going and making progress on the floor size painting that haunts me daily. At times I felt like abandoning the process, the tedious action of threading the image. My mind began to ponder easier ways to illicit an efficient result, but I know I cannot abandon this technique. I’ve started it; I am committed to it, committed to seeing it through. I’m in a relationship with this painting, all of them, in reality, a relationship with myself. I’m learning to sustain and not abandon, even when the moment is challenged. I’m not abandoning me. I am committed to me. I am seeing it through, until the end. It is my desire to grow, to see what gifts lie within the depths of me, to change, to transform.
When I finally allowed myself to sleep, I clearly remember my dream. I was standing before beautiful autumn turned trees with sparkling bright golden orange leaves. The barks of the trees were deep chocolate brown and the image of the illuminated leaves were forged in my waking memory. I recall having a feeling of awe and joy by the sight of them. Tonight, unable to release the image from my mind, I did some digging online. Autumn leaves or the season of autumn in general represent transformation. It represents an ending and a beginning as well as an auspicious time, a celebration of sorts. The dream interpretation is reflective of this moment in my life. I too feel as if I’m going through a transformation, leaving my career as a designer while solely focusing on art. Embracing the moment and space, discovering what I can pour into each piece. Also, the first year of my son no longer living at home, allowing time for me to focus on myself. And lastly the dream can also mean to reflect the series of paintings, Re*Birth. Births are always a celebratory and transformative time in a person’s life.
I'm grateful for these simple gifts that keep me hopeful, empowered and focused.